Tongue Tyed: May 31, 2006

May 31, 2006

Jello/Mud/Lube/Crisco Wrestling...

Paraphrased conversation from my friend's birthday dinner/drunkfest last night:

As 12 of my closest friends and I sit around a bar height table in the bar at On The Border, guzzling scooners of beer, the conversation steers toward Jenny's upcoming birthday...

Me: Ok, so your birthday is the 28th. What's the nearest Saturday to have a party for you?. {I pull out my phone open the calendar and determine that the closest Saturday is July 1st} PARTY FOR JENNY'S BIRTHDAY JULY FIRST EVERYONE!!

{Everyone turns to see what commotion I am creating now...they realize it's not about me, and is instead, about their favorite girl, Jenny, and instantly, smiles begin to appear around the table...until...}

L: WAIT, that's July 4th weekend! RC won't be here! We CAN'T do it that weekend!

{oh heavens to Betsy...we CAN'T have a party for JENNY without RC!! OH NO!!! LORD HELP US!!}

Me: Um, ok, Jenny, {using my most patient tone here...} would you like to have YOUR {very subtle emphasis on this word that intimates to Jenny and only jenny (because we have Best Friend ESP) that it's her friggin' birthday and she can damn well have it on the 1st if she wants} party on the 7th instead??

{Jenny looks at her massive Phone-Computer-Text Machine-Internet Portal-Toaster and checks her schedule}

Jenny: Yeah that's fine.

Me: LISTEN UP! THE PARTY FOR JENNY IS JULY 7th! {I use my best, Be There Or Die voice}

{At this point, I turn away to discuss some mundane conversation with a friend.}

{Suddenly I hear from a random voice:}

What about Jello! Yeah, a baby pool full of Jello!!

Me: {head snapping like a whiplashed monkey} Bwah? What are you talking about??

Jenny: Having a party with a baby pool full of jello and wrestling in it! Jello Wrestling!

Random Friend: Wait. It would be way too hard to make all that jello...what about mud??

Jenny: Yeah! Mud! Ty, can we use your backyard???

Me: Uh...{trying to be cool and down with the craziness...} sure!

Jenny: Cause I'm afraid the police might arrest us if we did it behind my condo...

{hmm...yeah...my neighbors might not like this idea too much either...keep your mouth shut...just keep your mouth shut...}

Me: Yeah, totally understand...

Random Friend: Wait! What about LUBE! Like in Old School! We could wrestle in LUBE!

Another Random Friend: Or Crisco!! We could just smear Crisco all over ourselves!

{mmm, yummy...}

Jenny: But I don't know...I'd have to wear a bikini...I don't want to wear a bikini...

{yes...bikinis are definitely the most degrading part of this idea...definitely...}

Jenny: Hey guys! {all of the guys are sitting at one end of the table, and all of the girls are at the other. It is loud, and the Mavs/Suns game is on} Guys! {she turns to me} They can't here me. Maybe I should just text them at the other end of the table...

Me: Oh totally! A group text about Crisco wrestling!

{we create the perfect text message...}

TEXT: Hey guys! Crisco Wrestling Party at Ty's house!! Join us!

{Jenny sends the text to 5 of the guys at the other end of the table. Shortly, everyone's phone goes off. Oblivious to each other, they all pull them out and look at the text message. Quite a funny site from our side of the table. Rolls of laughter start to envelop the guys. The girls giggle and change subjects...the guys begin to quietly discuss something...}

RC: Ty! Could we use your house?

Me: That was the plan.

RC: Can we put a slip and slide on your stairs? And a baby pool full of mud at the bottom?

{Oh yes. Let's!}

ME: $500 for the carpet and we have a deal...

posted by Ty @ 5/31/2006 | 1 comments

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